How to Win Friends and Influence People Summary
How to Win Friends and Influence People first came out in 1937 garnering overnight success to much of the surprise of the author, Dale Carnegie. Coming out post the Great Depression, people more than ever were longing for knowledge and insight on how to become successful and that is evident by the stagnant success of the book over the years. The book is divided into four parts, each with varying amounts of chapters that consist of a main principle. My summary will be divided into those four parts and the main ideas expressed throughout each chapter within them.
Part 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
Chapter 1: Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
This chapter gives insight on how to deal with the multitude of people whom you may meet in life and how you should approach dealing and getting to know them. It states that criticism ineffective because it puts people in a place where they have to justify or defend their beliefs. When you're quick to judge someone it often leads to resentment and makes it hard for you to understand each other. You should strive to understand other people rather than judge them and alienate them for having different points of view.
Principle 1: Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.
Chapter 2: The Big Secret of Dealing with People
This chapter covers how to deal with people by taking into consideration various factors. Things such as getting people to do things by making them want to, the desire to be appreciated, letting others know you appreciate them and the difference between flattery and appreciation.
Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.
Chapter 3: He Who Can do this Holds the Whole World with Him. He Who Cannot Walks a Lonely Way
This chapter deals with taking into consideration how others feel from their perspective and putting other's desire before your own. Also it mentions approaching pitching proposal's to others in a way where they benefit from the outcome.
This chapter deals with taking into consideration how others feel from their perspective and putting other's desire before your own. Also it mentions approaching pitching proposal's to others in a way where they benefit from the outcome.
Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Part 2: Ways to Make People Like You
Chapter 1: Do This and You’ll be Welcome Anywhere
This chapter gives advice on how to make worthwhile relationships. Things such as meeting people who interest you not just those who are interested in you and conveying to others that you find them interesting also.
Principle 1: Become genuinely interested in other people
Chapter 2: A Simple Way to Make a Good Impression
This chapter is all about first impressions and things you can do to magnify your presence. This includes smiling, smiling even when on the phone, expectations when people meet you and your mentality when meeting people needing to be positive.
This chapter is all about first impressions and things you can do to magnify your presence. This includes smiling, smiling even when on the phone, expectations when people meet you and your mentality when meeting people needing to be positive.
Principle 2: Smile
Chapter 3: If You Don’t Do This, You are Headed for Trouble
This chapter talks about the value people express in regards to their name. It is crucial to try and remember other peoples names because it will leave a good impression on them that you find interest in them.
This chapter talks about the value people express in regards to their name. It is crucial to try and remember other peoples names because it will leave a good impression on them that you find interest in them.
Principle 3: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
Chapter 4: An Easy Way to Become a Good Conversationalist
This chapter goes into detail on how in order to be good a converser you need to be a good listener. Engage in conversations and discuss topics that you know people will enjoy answering questions about. Try to ask questions that relate to the person you are talking to.
This chapter goes into detail on how in order to be good a converser you need to be a good listener. Engage in conversations and discuss topics that you know people will enjoy answering questions about. Try to ask questions that relate to the person you are talking to.
Principle 4: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
Chapter 5: How to Interest People
This chapter talks about how to get in tune with others by talking about things they treasure the most. You should always focus on what others are interested in to get them excited about talking to you.
This chapter talks about how to get in tune with others by talking about things they treasure the most. You should always focus on what others are interested in to get them excited about talking to you.
Principle 5: Talk in terms of the other person’s interests
Chapter 6: How to Make People Like You Instantly
This chapter speaks about how you treat others how you'd like to treated. If you desire certain emotions from others than also convey those emotions to them first.
This chapter speaks about how you treat others how you'd like to treated. If you desire certain emotions from others than also convey those emotions to them first.
Principle 6: Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely
Part 3: How to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Chapter 1: You Can’t Win an Argument
This chapter advises you to avoid arguing because the end results are usually negative more than they are positive. Rather than argue try to see it from the viewpoint of the person you are conversing with and if they make good points you should make them aware that you agree with those aspects of their point of view.
This chapter advises you to avoid arguing because the end results are usually negative more than they are positive. Rather than argue try to see it from the viewpoint of the person you are conversing with and if they make good points you should make them aware that you agree with those aspects of their point of view.
Principle 1: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
Chapter 2: A Sure Way of Making Enemies — And How to Avoid It
This chapter advocates refraining from telling people they are wrong because they may perceive it as a personal attack. Try to prove your point without shoving it down people's throats, break it down into a more easy idea to grasp even if you know they are wrong.
This chapter advocates refraining from telling people they are wrong because they may perceive it as a personal attack. Try to prove your point without shoving it down people's throats, break it down into a more easy idea to grasp even if you know they are wrong.
Principle 2: Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say “you’re wrong”.
Chapter 3: If You’re Wrong, Admit It
This chapter deals with how to handle being wrong and how to get evoke certain emotions from people when admitting it. Admitting your wrong makes it possible to avoid investing energy into more toxic outcomes if you hadn't done so.
This chapter deals with how to handle being wrong and how to get evoke certain emotions from people when admitting it. Admitting your wrong makes it possible to avoid investing energy into more toxic outcomes if you hadn't done so.
Principle 3: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
Chapter 4: A Drop of Honey
This chapter makes the reader think about the response or feelings someone might feel when you prove them wrong in a non-humble manner. When you attack people in a harsh manner you do not gain their confidence in your ideas, you simply gain nothing.
This chapter makes the reader think about the response or feelings someone might feel when you prove them wrong in a non-humble manner. When you attack people in a harsh manner you do not gain their confidence in your ideas, you simply gain nothing.
Principle 4: Begin in a friendly way.
Chapter 5: The Secret of Socrates
This chapter serves the reader the idea of starting to find things you have in common with people first rather than focusing in areas which you differ in.
This chapter serves the reader the idea of starting to find things you have in common with people first rather than focusing in areas which you differ in.
Principle 5: Get the other person saying “Yes, Yes” immediately.
Chapter 6: The Safety Valve in Handling Complaints
This chapter advocates for letting people to fully express their ideas or argument and doing more listening than talking sometimes because you don't always need to get everything out.
This chapter advocates for letting people to fully express their ideas or argument and doing more listening than talking sometimes because you don't always need to get everything out.
Principle 6: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking
Chapter 7: How to Get Cooperation
This chapter expresses how to get people on your side and that most people prefer to be swayed via their own free will rather than being convinced or made to believe something. Try to make people feel like your idea or point is their's also.
Principle 7: Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers
Chapter 8: A Formula that Will Work Wonders for You
This chapter pushes the idea of not demeaning people when they are wrong but rather try to understand how they got to that point of view. Try to understand why someone might believe what they believe.
This chapter pushes the idea of not demeaning people when they are wrong but rather try to understand how they got to that point of view. Try to understand why someone might believe what they believe.
Principle 8: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
Chapter 9: What Everybody Wants
This chapter basically tell you to respond to peoples nonsense with sense.
This chapter basically tell you to respond to peoples nonsense with sense.
Principle 9: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
Chapter 10: An Appeal that Everybody Likes
This chapter is about how sometimes people do things for reasons that are not always so clear and that to get what you want, it is sometimes easier to propose reasoning that is not honest but has the same outcome you desire.
This chapter is about how sometimes people do things for reasons that are not always so clear and that to get what you want, it is sometimes easier to propose reasoning that is not honest but has the same outcome you desire.
Principle 10: Appeal to the nobler motives
Chapter 11: The Movies Do it. TV Does it. Why Don’t You Do it?
This chapter discusses how you can sell people on ideas by hyping it up in a way that is exciting but not fictional.
This chapter discusses how you can sell people on ideas by hyping it up in a way that is exciting but not fictional.
Principle 11: Dramatize your ideas
Chapter 12: When Nothing Else Works, Try This
This chapter talks about how people are always willing and ready to prove themselves superior when they see the opportunity arise.
This chapter talks about how people are always willing and ready to prove themselves superior when they see the opportunity arise.
Principle 12: Throw down a challenge
Part 4: Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
Chapter 1: If You Must Find Fault, This is the Way to Begin
This chapter is about critiquing others and making it an easier pill to swallow by first taking note of your respect and admiration for them.
This chapter is about critiquing others and making it an easier pill to swallow by first taking note of your respect and admiration for them.
Principle 1: Begin with praise and honest appreciation
Chapter 2: How to Criticize — and Not Be Hated for It
This chapter talks about refraining from using words like "but" when taking note of people's mistakes. It provides alternate methods of pointing out people's mistakes.
This chapter talks about refraining from using words like "but" when taking note of people's mistakes. It provides alternate methods of pointing out people's mistakes.
Principle 2: Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
Chapter 3: Talk About Your Own Mistakes First
People can take criticism better when empathize with them by pointing out mistakes you've made, even if you long since corrected them.
People can take criticism better when empathize with them by pointing out mistakes you've made, even if you long since corrected them.
Principle 3: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person
Chapter 4: No One Likes to Take Orders
This chapter discusses presenting suggestions rather orders because people tend to not respond positively if they feel they are being bossed around.
This chapter discusses presenting suggestions rather orders because people tend to not respond positively if they feel they are being bossed around.
Principle 4: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
Chapter 5: Let the Other Person Save Face
This chapter further discusses allowing people the opportunity to redeem themselves rather than belittling them into hiding.
This chapter further discusses allowing people the opportunity to redeem themselves rather than belittling them into hiding.
Principle 5: Let the other person save face
Chapter 6: How to Spur People to Success
This chapter touches on how to motivate other and getting them to succeed by letting them know when they are excelling and improving in whatever they do in a genuine manner.
This chapter touches on how to motivate other and getting them to succeed by letting them know when they are excelling and improving in whatever they do in a genuine manner.
Principle 6: Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
Chapter 7: Give a Dog a Good Name
This chapter presents the reader with the manner of pushing people to succeed by giving them something to strive to be. If you let them know they have the signs of being something enticing they will become motivated to continue you excelling.
This chapter presents the reader with the manner of pushing people to succeed by giving them something to strive to be. If you let them know they have the signs of being something enticing they will become motivated to continue you excelling.
Principle 7: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
Chapter 8: Make the Fault Seem Easy to Correct
This chapter basically states that when others do not believe in themselves let them know that you still believe in them, it will their errors seem smaller than they are and much more solvable.
This chapter basically states that when others do not believe in themselves let them know that you still believe in them, it will their errors seem smaller than they are and much more solvable.
Principle 8: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
Chapter 9: Making People Glad to Do What You Want
This chapter essentially advocates for making people do what you want them to do by making glad to be doing it for you.
This chapter essentially advocates for making people do what you want them to do by making glad to be doing it for you.
Principle 9: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
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